Love is fickle.

I am not a sceptic of love. I truly believe that there is that someone out there for each and every single person. I also believe that you can love someone who may not be that soulmate. Sometimes you may never find that soulmate. How do you know if you have? But even so you can love someone with everything you have and fully believe there is no one else in the world for you, so you commit and get married.

Well that is where i become a sceptic. Now do not get me wrong i want the big wedding. I already have my dress sketched out, i know the exact ring, i know my bridesmaids. I even know what i want to call my children. But what is marriage? You see these celebrities who get married 5 times over. You cannot love 5 people enough to want to marry them. And i just saw on the news that there have been a large number of sham marriages taking place. Which no doubt poses questions about every one you know who is married. Will they last? Why did they get married? Do they know whether they are the one?

If i followed the experience of my close family alone i would not touch marriage with a barge pole. Yet i cannot help but think i may have found that someone who adores me outside of the honeymoon period. How far into a relationship is a honeymoon period? 

Now you probably wonder why i am writing about these things at the tender age of 21. I am writing about this because i cannot help but wonder if when people get married and then decide thats enough was it all nothing. It is like finding out Santa does not exist all the memories associated with it are just lies. Do they contemplate the people involved outside of themselves. Divorce is a devastating thing. It does not matter at what age it hits your family, it hurts. There is nothing you can say to console the children as they start to question their whole entire life. Yet the reality is it really is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Life is tough and i only think you can grow from these knock backs. Happiness is too thin on the ground nowadays people are looking out for themselves. Sad fact of life. 

We should not give up on love when we hear of divorce but in fact see it as a new lease of life. Love is real and if you remember who you are and change for nobody you will always be happy. I remember when i was young i was with my boyfriend for around 4 years and we would always break up. I used to think my world was over, i would not come out of my room. Now i do not even speak to the guy, when i see him he makes me cringe. Life really does move on. 

I always count more on my friends than anyone else. I have the best friends. If i ever need them they are there and they listen. Often about things they do not want to hear. I really hope i am a good friend to them as they are to me.

I have friends back home. You know they are good for when you go back and to go out with. I would not trust them with anything though. Not because they have betrayed me as such. Just because they didnt try. I always try to stay in touch with people, yet life is not a one way road. Relationships do not work with one giving all. That is why my university friends who i barely see are amazing. BBM saved my relationship as did skype.

I will never divorce my best friends. No matter what country they live in. 

Friendship counts for so much more than Love.

Love is fickle.

Lesson learnt.

Don't get thin, just get Trim!

Currently right this minute i should be tidying my room. But like everyone else i like to procrastinate, luckily for me i now have a blog to procrastinate with. Usually i would eat out of boredom, so because i cannot eat as i am on a diet i thought i would write about eating.

Now i am not fat, obese, spotty or unhealthy therefore most would question why i am on a diet. Nor am i trying to be a skinny celeb. I just want a bikini body. Is that too much to ask?

I want to have a nice stomach that does not have fat dimples on it and a smaller waist that accentuates what little boob i do have. I want to be toned NOT skinny. Trim is the best word.

Now i am an avid gym goer. I love my sport, i love to run. So you would think i would be pretty trim. That would not be lie. I have what i think are great legs, i have some arms with recent muscle definition and i don't have back fat. Some would say i was blessed. However, with clothes off i have a whale belly. My problem is not that i do not like to exercise it is because i think because i can go to the gym i can eat what i like. Well there lies my problem so my boyfriend repeatedly tells me.

So i am on a diet. No Carbs. No Fat. Basically i am eating meat and rabbit food. See below tonights meal:

The problem is your food actually does dictate the way your body looks. If you eat too many sweets and chocolates you will get spots. If you eat lots of carrots your skin goes more orange (apparently). If you eat nothing you become nothing.

The problem is my body has become a huge contradiction. I am trying to lose flab off the stomach and become toned. But i am trying to become strong enough to do Press Ups, Sit ups, Chin ups and assault courses which is bulking me out. Whilst i am talking about getting strong i would like to mention that i can outbench two of my fellow sabbatical male officers. Not that i like to brag.) And unfortunately for the twin and myself we were born with broad shoulders so i look like Miss Trunchbull out of Matilda. Not sexy and not cool. And with it being Awards season i now cannot wear strappy dresses.

I tell you without surgery getting your idea of the perfect body needs commitment and lots of it. Not only commitment to get your bum to the gym or out for a run. But the commitment not to just go to Tesco and grab pastries and sweets. Instead you dont walk passed the fresh aisles and you run straight to the checkouts until you are tempted by anything else. Life being healthy isnt cheap. But then surgery is expensive.

So i am sucking it up. I am getting on this gym thing, i am eating clean and i will have a bikini body AND pass my army briefing. Day two into eating well and the gym, i see no improvements. However, i am a happier individual. (Although that could be the sun)

I am just thankful that i have a boyfriend who is fatter than me and my competitive streak likes me being fitter.

Just remember do not get thin, just get trim!

The Illusive Red Dress

The search for the perfect dress for an event is probably one of the most stressful events in a young girls life. It is something i know a lot of us girls have to deal with and never gets easier. You set your sights on a colour, a style a length. AND NOTHING.

I know that it is stressful because it has happened for prom, my leavers ball and then every year for the University Sports Awards. So why am i writing about it now? Well that is because not only have do i have to find one dress i have had to find three.THREE, that is a full time job ladies and gentlemen. I must admit that i am two thirds of the way there as i have had two successes in my endeavour but i must be honest they were just dresses i settled with. I hate settling for something less than perfect but time is running thin and to be honest the third dress is the one i care most for.

So i bought a Black and Gold Mesh dress from H&M it was a bargain at £7 so i cannot complain and goes with the Gold and Black theme of the Societies Awards.

Then i bought an Orange halterneck pleated dress from ASOS for £28 for the vOscars (Our Volunteer Awards) Again i cant say i am too happy about that choice in dress either.

But now i am left looking for the illusive perfect red dress. I am going all out for this dress for the one reason that the Sports Awards has been the event i have attended for the last three years and this year is my year. I have to make a lasting impression on the individuals and guests of that Awards Ceremony. It has to be red, as we at Essex are the Red and Black army. But can i find a red dress? No. Not one respectable, classy, perfect Red dress.

The horrible thing about this job is i cannot quit. Although i could have sickness leave... now thats an idea.

'One of those days'

Today really has been one of those days.

What is 'one of those days' you ask? Well for me it is those days where you start your day with a plan and life surprises you for better or for worse. Today i have been on a rollercoaster of life.

It started when yesterday in fact at 11pm as i got into bed and fell asleep. And started when i woke up at 12:30am and genuinely thought that it was 7am and i had to go the gym. It actually completely confused me and i didnt understand how i could have slept for so long yet not. Irregardless of this i went back to sleep. Got up at 7am and went to the gym.

So i will give you a short insight into the Work morning of OhSoZo. I get up at 7am i go for a run around the University fields or Wivenhoe trail then i go to the gym. I am currently trying to get army fit for an AOSB Briefing in June, which requires me to be able to do FULL press ups and sit ups. Now for most of you this may sound easy and those that know me may query why this bothers me. Well i have no upper body strength. NONE! Therefore i cannot push myself up, i cannot pull myself up and i most definitely cannot press up. So i am on a fitness plan to try and improve this fact. I must say i am impressed with the results my arms and the slight bingo wing which was forming have drastically toned. I now bench the same as a guy i know (30kg) and i have made friends with all the muscle men in the gym.

After my gym encounter i go back to my flat and make a smoothie and porridge, then shower and get ready for work with the news on in the background. (Another criteria of passing AOSB that i am up to date on current affairs.)

Yet this morning i went to make my smoothie and porridge as usual the smoothie was fine but my just add water porridge went horribly wrong. It was really watery and the porridge lined the microwave not the bowl. I just couldnt be bothered so i threw it all in the bin and ate flapjack! Bleeuurrrgghh..

A little thing you may quickly come to learn about me is that i am very loyal and i love to argue. However, i never argue in a bitchy fashion i construct my arguments well. I compliment then crush. Its softening the blow i think. I am always willing to help others and share my wisdom. So today that is what i did on two occasions to two different people. One i shared my wisdom too and helped them construct a reply to a comment. To which an apology was received. The other was a direct argument with an individual, i cannot tell you the success rate of this argument yet though as it is a work in progress. I will keep you updated.

After having spent my day helping said individuals (my argument to individual two was an argument for a change in lifestyle) i now find myself being ignored. Having to fight for conversations. Conversations that will not come. It is a simple fact of life putting time into things is sometimes just a waste.

And now the worst thing that could possibly happen to me right now happened.. I found the perfect red dress for the Sports Awards. It was red, classy and perfect. I was about to buy for a bargain price of £35 and then i looked at the back of the dress... Pure TACK! It is amazing how things like this really do change your mood. And there we are, another rollercoaster!

The perfect..ly ruined dress

It is safe to say this will not be the last 'one of those days' but i am glad this one is over.

This is just the beginning...

This is all completely new to me and i have to say that it is not as easy as i first thought. When you do not have a blog everything is there in your mind ready to be written down.. Now i have writers block, it took me 18 minutes to come up with my Blog title. How do i know that it took me 18 minutes? Well that is easy The Only Way is Essex started as i began to ponder what would headline my blog.

I would like to be able to say that i am philosophical and i can string inspirational quotes together. But that would be a lie, i chose 'quote' because of its irony and to be quite frank irony seems to be the theme of my life. The irony of this quote for those who may be reading this and do not know me is the fact that i was not born an original, i am an identical twin. When your mum dresses you in the same clothes and people cannot tell you apart even when you are 21 and have different hair colour; You are not an original.

The ironical thing is the Twin and I could not be any different. (I will refer to her as my twin only, as i am not in this to name drop and call other people out.) The Twin is on course for a very comfortable first in her Management and Accounting degree i chose Politics and settled for a 2:2. The Twin has been taken on to a competitive graduate programme at Ernst & Young and i am looking to join the British Army (As an Officer mind). I spent my Uni life drunk, working in a bar and playing sport whilst the Twin actually undertook University for what it is, an educational centre. We are different. We have grown out of our shared identity.

I never understood those people who aspire to be like other people. Who want to be celebrities, known one day forgotton the next. I like the limelight do not get me wrong. I certainly can hold my own on a public stage, however the limelight i like to hold is usually to shout down someone else and voice my opinion. I do that to make sure i am not a clone falling in line like i should. Perhaps that is why i am not made for politics? That is a question i could expand on for many hours and bore you all with.

 So to summarise what this Blog will be, well that is pretty easy. It will be an outlet. A place where i can let go on how i feel about things that have happened in my life. Trust me, my life is not as easy as most 21 year olds. I can only presume the quality in writing will increase as i get used to this. I have never written a proper diary.

Alas, the Lax Man (The boyfriend) just called to say Good Night. And i have to be up and ready to go at 7am for run and then gym. So until tomorrow i bid farewell.

-Z